Generation Gap

I've wrestled with the idea of the generation gap at many stages of my life. What exactly is a “gap”? It’s essentially a disconnect—when two sides struggle to meet in the middle, both stuck in their own ways yet inching forward, hoping for some common ground. In the context of generations, this gap often comes from different experiences, values, and upbringings. From an outside perspective—or through an unbiased lens—neither is completely right or wrong.

But the real question is: Can this gap ever be closed? The answer is deeply personal. It depends on how much the relationship matters to you and how far you will go to save it.

Personally, I’ve always felt that kids and the elderly aren't all that different. They both need a little extra love, want things their own way, and can be ridiculously stubborn. It's like life coming full circle—payback, maybe, for all the times we drove them crazy growing up.

That said, maintaining these relationships doesn’t mean you have to lose yourself in the process. Take it slow. Understand that while you were growing and discovering yourself, they were busy doing the same for you. Yes, fighting with the world and discovering what’s right for you—especially our mothers.

So many of them spend their entire lives living for others: parents, husbands, children, grandchildren… Their identities become so intertwined with those roles that they sometimes forget their own preferences. I once asked my mom if there was something she had always wanted to do but couldn’t because of money. Her answer? “Nothing.” That hit me hard.

Of course, our generation might respond with, “Well, we never asked them to make those sacrifices.” True—but they were raised in a world where selflessness was expected, and choice wasn’t always a luxury. They accepted what life handed them, often without complaint.

I’m not suggesting you pour your heart into someone who refuses to meet you halfway. But maybe go just a little further than 50%. Recognize that change doesn’t come easily for them—especially at their age.

And one last thing: we have outlets. We can talk to friends, partners, or therapists when life gets overwhelming. But many of our parents don't have that freedom. Every word of ours stays with them. For them, sharing feelings with a spouse was almost as rare as finding a soulmate on a dating app today—basically, a fantasy.